The 10 Most Common Excuses For Cheating

May 17, 2022 - Reading time: 8 minutes
Updated on: September 4, 2025

How common is cheating

Over one-fifth of married men admit to being unfaithful, and women are not immune either. Definitions vary: many couples never agree what counts as cheating. For example, a partner might think messaging on dating apps is harmless, but surveys show a notable share of users are in relationships while using those platforms. The lack of a shared definition often fuels both secrecy and excuses.

At PrivateInvestigators-UK we hear every justification under the sun. Here are the ten we see most often.

The 10 most common excuses for cheating

1) “Cheating is normal. Humans aren’t meant to be monogamous.”

This is an attempt to make infidelity sound inevitable. Whatever someone believes about monogamy, the point is simple: they made a promise. Breaking it is a choice, not fate.

2) “I didn’t love them. It was just about the sex.”

Minimising is common. Emotional detachment does not erase secrecy, lies, or risk. The trust was broken the moment they went behind your back.

3) “It wasn’t my fault. I was seduced.”

Shifting blame to the other person is classic deflection. Consent and follow-through were still choices. Accountability sits with the partner who cheated.

4) “You cheated before, so I did the same.”

Revenge is not repair. If past betrayal was not processed and resolved, the relationship was on shaky ground already. Retaliation only confirms that trust has gone.

5) “I was lonely and you weren’t there for me.”

Another deflection that frames cheating as a response to unmet needs. Adults raise problems, seek support, or end the relationship. They do not lie and cheat.

6) “It didn’t mean anything. It was only once.”

“Only once” is still a breach. Many people say this to reduce consequences. Later, it often turns out there was more than one incident.

7) “It’s your fault.”

This is pure blame-shifting. Common phrases include “you drove me to it”, “you’ve changed”, or “you never listen”. Relationships take two, but cheating is a solo decision.

8) “I was only trying to help them and it just happened.”

Affairs often grow from secrecy around “friendship” or “support”. If a partner hides who they are meeting and what is discussed, the helping hand line is not convincing.

9) “I was bored and needed excitement.”

People who crave novelty can find it in hobbies, travel, or career goals. Choosing an affair for thrills is self-serving and reckless.

10) “Nothing happened. It’s all in your head.”

This is gaslighting. Denying in the face of evidence, calling you paranoid, or flipping the script to make you doubt yourself are forms of emotional abuse. Trust your notes and your instincts.

How to gather evidence that your partner is cheating

If you are concerned but lack proof, be careful about confrontations that could backfire. Keep a calm record of dates, times, messages, travel, and expenses that do not add up. Consider professional help if you want clear answers without conflict.

At PrivateInvestigators-UK our experienced team can discreetly check your partner’s movements using lawful methods such as surveillance and timeline analysis. We work across the UK and abroad, and provide clear reports so you can decide what comes next.

FAQ

What is gaslighting in the context of cheating

Making you question your memory or sanity, denying obvious facts, or calling you paranoid to dodge accountability. It is a form of emotional abuse.

Can private investigators legally gather proof of infidelity in the UK

Yes. When carried out lawfully and proportionately, surveillance and photographic or video evidence can be used to support proceedings such as divorce or child arrangements.

Should I confront my partner without evidence

Not usually. It can push behaviour further underground. Keep records, look for consistent patterns, and consider discreet professional help first.