The 10 Most Common Excuses For Cheating
May 17, 2022 - Reading time: 13 minutes
One of the key aspects of a successful, healthy relationship is trust between the two partners. This allows both partners to feel loved and secure. If the trust is broken within a relationship, it can be difficult to get back, and, in the vast majority of cases can lead to the break down of the relationship. Not only this but breaking the trust in one relationship can lead to a person not trusting their partner in a future relationship, causing long term damage.
One of the most common ways that trust is broken in a relationship is when a partner cheats. Studies have shown that when this happens, whether it is a full blown affair or a one night stand, it leads to a severe breakdown of trust. The faithful partner who has been cheated on finds it difficult to trust their partner again, and in the majority of cases, this can lead to a breakdown of the relationship.
Studies across the world have shown that men are more likely to cheat and more likely to find extramarital sex acceptable, but this is not always the case as some women also choose to be unfaithful to their partners. Many believe that their partner is hiding something well before they find out about any cheating in their relationship and are often devastated when they hear the news.
When a person is caught cheating, it is rare that they come clean straight away. Even when a person admits infidelity, the true reason for their indiscretion is unlikely to be revealed. This is because they may be embarrassed that they were caught, or are looking for an excuse to explain their behaviour that blames the other person in the relationship rather than themselves. Ultimately, they want to minimise the level of blame on them so come up with excuses to try and justify their behaviour.
How Common Is Cheating?
Within a marriage, cheating is more common than you may first expect. Studies have shown that over one-fifth of men (around 22%) have admitted not being faithful to their partner during their marriage. This study, conducted by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, only looked at couples that were already married, however, and did not take into consideration other types of unfaithfulness as well as having sex with someone outside of their marriage.
One of the biggest issues is that around 70% of people in a relationship have not discussed with their partner what they constitute as cheating within a relationship. An individual's ideas of cheating can range from sex outside the relationship, kissing another person, to engaging in flirty conversation, and each individual person will have their own idea of where they think the line is and what you have to do to cross it.
The percentage of those who cheat, therefore, may be much higher when the parameters for what constitutes cheating are expanded. For example, studies have shown that around 18 to 25% of users on the Tinder dating platform are in a relationship when active on the app, meaning that they are actively looking to talk to other people and potentially meet up with them.
At PrivateInvestigators-UK, we are experts at investigating partners that are believed to have been unfaithful. We have heard every excuse out there to explain this kind of behaviour and have compiled them into an easy list for you. Let’s take a closer look:
Excuse 1: Cheating is Normal – It is Natural For Men To Cheat
One of the most popular excuses that we often see for cheating is that it is natural to want to have sex with multiple people, as monogamy is not natural. They often explain that people in the past, or animals do not have one partner that they are faithful to and that they should be allowed to have more than one partner. At the end of the day, however, if they have promised to be faithful to you, then they have broken that promise.
Excuse 2: I Don’t Love Them – It Was Just About The Sex
As a way of trying to limit the severity of their actions, the person who has cheated may try and justify them by stating that it was only about the sex, rather than any feelings being involved in their infidelity. Some people, in particular men, believe that if there is no emotional connection, that cheating is not as bad. However, by getting close to someone else and going behind your back, they have already broken your trust by lying to you and trying to hide their actions.
Excuse 3: It Wasn’t My Fault, I Was Seduced By The Other Person
Quite often those who cheat find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will turn the blame on the person that they had the affair with, to try and take the pressure off them. When they are caught, they may come up with an elaborate explanation of how they were seduced by the other person and tried to stop it from happening. The reality is, however, that they still engaged with the other person and chose to be unfaithful so their excuses do not matter.
Excuse 4: My Partner Has Cheated Previously So I Did The Same Back To Them
If cheating has happened previously in a relationship, then trust may already be broken. If someone has cheated, and their partner has chosen to forgive them and stay together, they need to accept that something like this will never happen again and forgive the person that cheated. Sometimes, however, if you have previously cheated in your relationship, your partner may not forgive and will instead look for revenge. This may lead to them cheating on you further down the line, and using your previous indiscretions as an excuse for their behaviour.
If this is the case, they clearly have not gotten over your cheating, and the trust has been lost in your relationship, making it difficult to recover.
Excuse 5: I Felt Lonely And Needed Company
Another reason that someone who has been unfaithful might give to justify their behaviour is that they felt lonely within their relationship. This is an excuse where they are trying to put the blame partially on their partner. They could say that their partner was too busy with the kids, or away too often for work in order to say that their needs were not being met.
If this was the case, however, they should have raised these issues with you, instead of being unfaithful. The blame for their actions should not be on you, as it was their choices that got them into this situation.
Excuse 6: It Didn’t Mean Anything. It Only Happened The One Time
Once a person has been caught cheating, they may try and minimise their behaviour as much as possible in order to limit the consequences of their actions. They may explain that it was a one-off thing and that it won’t happen again. It is difficult to know whether this is the truth or not as they may only be saying it was a one-time thing to reduce the consequences. It may only have been one occasion, or it could have been a full blown affair that you were unaware of.
Ultimately, even if it has only happened once, there was still a time when they were unfaithful to your relationship and broke the promise that you made to each other. Once the trust is broken, whether it be on one occasion or many, it can be difficult to get back. You may also discover later down the line that it happened more than they originally disclosed to you.
Excuse 7: It Isn’t My Fault – It’s Yours!
Instead of taking on the blame themselves, many partners who have been caught cheating are often quick to blame you. This is because they do not want to take responsibility for their actions, and instead list a number of things they believe you did that to push them towards being unfaithful. However, having some kind of affair outside of your relationship is a decision that your partner has made and therefore, it is their responsibility. If they were unhappy in your relationship, they should have spoken to you about it or ended the relationship before starting another one.
When a partner makes these excuses, it can be difficult for you to not blame yourself for their actions. It is important to remember that your partner was the one who chose to be unfaithful, and therefore, you are not to blame.
Excuse 8: I Was Simply Trying To Help Them And It Just Happened
When it comes to getting close to another person, often an excuse used by cheating partners is that they were trying to help the other person. They may try to say that the person they had the affair with innocently confided in them that they were struggling with an issue such as a break-up from their partner or experiencing domestic abuse. Your partner may state that they were the only person that they opened up to and that they were trying to help them.
They may continue to describe a situation where they did not intend to get involved with the other person and start an affair, but that they naturally grew closer when the person shared their secret with them. If this is the case, they should have told you the other person’s issues from the start and shared them with you if they were being honest with you. If you had no idea that your partner knew this person, or that they were close to them, it looks like they were hiding something all along.
Excuse 9: I Was Bored And Fed Up
There are many big milestones in a relationship – from moving in together, to buying a property, to getting married and having children. While most people see these stages as a sense of commitment, and like the feeling of settling down and finding the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, others find this to be a more negative thing, leaving them feeling bored. This is especially true for those who are more impulsive and unable to relax – those who are always looking for their next adrenaline rush. In this case, the next adrenaline rush could be having an affair and trying to keep it a secret. The cheating is a way of keeping their life interesting and exciting, rather than the boredom they feel when settled with their partner.
Some that are unsettled may be able to find an outlet in more reasonable behaviour such as finding new activities to do or spending time with their friends. Others will need a bigger thrill which cheating may bring them so will use their boredom as an excuse to justify their behaviour.
Excuse 10: Nothing Happened – It Is All In Your Head
And finally, last on our list is perhaps the most frustrating excuse that you will hear if you have discovered that your partner has cheated. Some people want to deny that an affair has happened, even once they have been found out. This may be because they are ashamed of their behaviour, or they simply do not want to have a confrontation about it. To try and avoid this, your partner may simply keep denying that anything has happened, even if you have proof. They will try and turn the blame on you, describing you as being paranoid and trying to make you second guess yourself. In doing so, the person is clearly showing that they are not regretful for their actions and want to try and get out of admitting that they have done something wrong.
If they continue with trying to blame you by saying you are paranoid or going mad, even if you have clear proof, this is a clear sign of emotional abuse and you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. It is important that you trust your instincts with this as once the trust is broken, it is difficult to get back.
How to gather evidence that your partner is cheating
If you are concerned that your partner may be being unfaithful, we can help. With years of experience in private investigation, our expertly trained staff can help identify if your partner is leading a double life. We can check your partner's movements by placing them under surveillance - our team covers the UK and beyond. Visit the PrivateInvestigators-UK homepage to learn more about us.
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