12 Signs that Your Partner is Having an Affair

July 18, 2021 - Reading time: 10 minutes

When you realise that your partner is sometimes vague about their activities, or you notice subtle behavioural changes, unusual actions, and occurrences, it may be that there is cause for concern. Be aware, though, that there may be an innocent explanation and even more than one of these together may not mean that your partner is playing away.  However, follow your instinct; check out our list; as your hunch may be right.

1. Suddenly they are difficult to reach

A change in being able to contact them and their eagerness to call you back when there is no reason for not calling back as they usually would. Valid reasons would be things like a promotion at work or you know they are working on an important project with a tight deadline. No apparent reason for suddenly being unavailable to you should trigger alarm bells.

2. A breakdown in communication 

Suddenly they are unresponsive, apathetic even and won’t communicate with you. They are no longer interested in telling you about their day; you have to ask and are then dismissed or fobbed off. 

A persistent refusal to communicate is known as stonewalling and is a common signal that something is wrong in your relationship. If your partner is:  

• Ignoring what you say, refusing to listen or respond
• Storming off without a word for no reason that you are aware of
• Finds excuses why they can't talk on the phone
• Uses eye-rolling or other dismissive body language
• Changes the subject or uses avoidance techniques to avoid telling you what’s wrong
• Refuses to answer your questions
• Acts in a passive-aggressive manner 

They either perceive there is something wrong with the relationship, or they may be having an affair.

3. Phone and laptop habits change

They suddenly start keeping their phone with them more, change the password, frequently put it on silent, and then leave the room to listen to voicemail or look at texts. They no longer leave their phone on the side when they come in or ask you to hand it to them.

Hiding their phone screen from you and not allowing you to borrow or use their phone is another giveaway. Perhaps they need time to delete messages from their phone before allowing you to use it. They could start spending more time on a laptop or PC at home. Again, they may change their password, and you no longer have access to their emails.

4. They stop using affectionate terms

A big indicator is when you realise that they are no longer using the words 'I love you' or affectionate nicknames. When this happens, there's likely to be some underlying issue. 

However, they might suddenly seem over-affectionate as a way to cover their tracks.

5. They seem to have a problem with you for no reason

Often a cheating partner is battling internal conflict by convincing themselves that you are the problem and, therefore, the affair is justified. Cognitive dissonance is an anxiety that occurs when someone is doing something that they should know is wrong, and they work to justify their actions that are wrong by convincing themselves the opposite.

This type of dissonance often shows as being hypercritical of you out of the blue.

6. An apparent loss of libido or increase in sex

Cheaters interest in sex at home is likely to decrease; after all, they are getting it elsewhere. They will distance themselves, avoid the usual situations that lead to sex and have excuses.

However, it is not unusual for a sudden increase in sexual appetite. Guilty parties may seem interested in more sex at home. There are several explanations, such as trying to cover their tracks by pretending everything is great with you. They take control of sex, so they can satisfy you when it suits them in the expectation you won’t miss it when they cannot provide it. They are comparing how they feel with each of their sexual partners.

A sudden increase or decrease in sex, especially when any of the other signs are present, could be a clue that your partner is having an affair. 

7. Their friends are suddenly unavailable

It may be that they need someone to confide in or to talk the situation through with. Plus, of course, they may need friends as an alibi for when they are cheating. Your partner's friends will frequently actually know something is going on before you even suspect it. If your partner's friends are unavailable and seem to avoid you, perhaps they are doing this to lessen their own guilt.

8. A sudden interest in their appearance or showering more frequently

A sudden otherwise unexplained interest in their appearance, showering as soon as they get in, wearing fragrance or inexplicably changing their fragrance are all things that could mean there is someone else in their life. They wash to remove the traces of the other person and they work on their appearance and make sure they smell nice to impress the new person. When your partner suddenly starts this type of route, it's reasonable to enquire. There may be a genuine reason, but listen and watch when they reply.

9. They stop chatting about their day

It’s usual for your partner to discuss their day with you. When this suddenly stops, and they suddenly don't want to tell you about their day, journey, and so on, alarm bells should ring. Because people usually share the details of their day with their partner.  If your partner is cheating, they'll be sharing those details elsewhere. Consequently, they're not telling you or telling you less. They may not even realise that they are no longer sharing with you. They may try to cover their tracks by telling you a little, but if the funny anecdotes have gone or they are suddenly all you are getting, then it may be that they have someone new to tell.

10. They accuse you of having an affair

Sometimes the cheater will draw attention away from their actions by accusing you of cheating. They can put you on the defensive and make it difficult for you to bring up your concerns. This is often followed up with needing to know what you are doing when. This tactic ensures they know when and where to cheat when they know you are safely elsewhere.  

11. Increasing gifts

Happy, loving partners give gifts, but so do those with a guilty conscience. Cheaters see it as a way of reassuring you that everything is fine as they cover their tracks. 

Extravagant gifts especially imply their devotion to you, and they believe will reassure you that everything is "normal".  This pseudo devotion is a tool they use to cover up small signs of cheating so that they can convince you there is nothing going on.

12. They have something important to do elsewhere

If your partner is having an affair, they will need to find excuses to be away or to create the time and space they need for the new squeeze. These may include things like:

• A family member who needs things done
• A friend in need
• Helping a friend with a house extension or decorating
• An important project at work

Relationships do naturally change

Our relationships naturally grow, alter and evolve. When you ask about some change that is bothering you, there should be no accusation from you regarding initial concerns; equally, there should be defensiveness from your partner if there is an innocent explanation. 

If you're wondering why, hire a spy

If you suspect that your partner might be cheating on you, then don't live in doubt. We can help to investigate your partner and find out what is really going on while gathering evidence. Our private investigators cover all areas of the United Kingdom and beyond. Visit the PrivateInvestigators-UK homepage for more information on us and the services we offer, or check out our other related articles below:

• 10 Body Language Signals That Your Partner Might Be Cheating
• 10 surprising red flags that your partner is cheating on you
• Husband cheating on me with escorts