5 Signs Your Partner Is Having an Affair at Work
June 12, 2022 - Reading time: 13 minutes
One of the most common types of affair is a workplace affair, where a person gets too close to someone that they work with. If you think that your partner is having an affair at work, it can be stressful as you try and uncover the truth. The small comfort is that this is not an uncommon feeling, with many people are the world questioning their partners’ behaviour and intentions as they believe that they have been unfaithful.
Workplace affairs can be difficult to identify as you may not see how your partner interacts within the workplace. As professional, experienced private investigators, this is where we come in. We can help uncover if your partner is being unfaithful, allowing you to know the truth and find some peace.
There are many warning signs that your partner may be having an affair with someone that they work with, and it is important that you are aware of these warning signs to keep track of any changes in their behaviour.
To help you out, we have utilised our years of experience in the private investigation field to provide you with a quick guide that includes five signs that your partner may be being unfaithful at work. These signs can help you strengthen your suspicions before investing in private investigation services to uncover the truth. Let’s take a closer look:
What Are The Tell Tale Signs That Your Partner Is Having an Affair at Work?
If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you with someone they work with, it can be difficult to prove or find out more information unless you work in the same place! As private investigators, we are able to conduct investigations subtly in order to find the answers that you can’t access.
To give you some kind of idea, however, we have put together a list of five key signs that we often see in cheating partners that get involved with a co-worker. Use this list as a starting point to help find out the truth. Take a look at our red flags below and see how they compare to your own situation:
1. Their Working Schedule Changes Unexpectedly
If your partner has a regular job which starts and finishes at the same time every day, or routine shift work, it is normal to be able to predict their working habits. If these habits change, it may be a sign that they are spending more time at work to be around a certain person.
Look for instances when they need to work late when this is not their norm, or if they have to go in on days they don’t usually have to. A one-off could be a unique work circumstance, but a pattern of events like these can indicate that they are trying to hide something.
When they are telling you about working late, look at how they are delivering this information- are they casual and making eye contact, or do they refuse to look at you and quickly mention it before moving on to another topic of conversation? The delivery of this news can be a key indicator.
2. Their Appearance Changes Unexpectedly and They Start Putting More Effort In
As a person enters a new relationship and is trying to impress someone new, they want to look their best. Therefore, you might begin noticing a change in their appearance and that they are making more effort than they usually would.
Are they wearing clothes they would normally keep for social occasions? Are they more groomed than usual or are putting on more make-up or aftershave? These can be signs that they are seeking attention from someone else.
3. Work Events Become Far More Common
As the affair progresses, your partner may be looking for a reason or excuse that they can give to justify spending more time away from home so that they can continue their affair. Often, work events are used as the perfect excuse as they expect their partner not to question them. If your partner never attended events such as business trips, large conferences or parties before, and they begin to all of a sudden, this may be a sign that there is another motive behind their behaviour.
If they do go on business trips regularly normally, it can be harder to tell. Think about if the length or frequency of these trips has changed, or if they are now cancelling plans with you or their family to attend them. This would be out of their normal routine and could be a potential red flag.
4. They Are Constantly Attached To Their Phone
One of the most obvious tell tale signs that a person is having any kind of affair is that they are constantly attached to their phone. Now, it is important to note that we do rely on our phones a lot nowadays, but had your partner's mobile phone usage increased? Are they becoming more secretive and hiding what they are doing? You may find that they are hiding their phone when they are not using it so that you cannot see it, or they are deleting messages to others so you can’t look back on what they are talking about.
If you do notice that they are on their phone all the time, who are they contacting? If it is a work colleague of the opposite sex, you may start to question why they are so close all of a sudden and if they are having an affair.
5. They Do Not Respond Well To Questioning And Become Defensive
If a person is having an affair at work, they will be working hard to hide it and cover their tracks, but this can be stressful. Therefore, you may find that when you ask them simple questions about their work day or reasons why they have had to work a weekend or stay late, they may quickly become cagey and defensive in the way that they answer.
Often, they might shut down the conversation or try and change the topic to take your mind off their questioning, or they may give vague answers that lack any real detail or information in the hopes that you will then move on.
Another way of dealing with this type of questioning is to immediately react like they are being attacked, and reply in a blunt or angry manner, making you feel like you have done something wrong. This is a strong sign that they may be hiding something as if they had nothing to hide, they won’t have had such a strong reaction to basic questions.
What Should I Do If I Have My Suspicions That My Partner Is Having An Affair?
Often, if an individual has a bad feeling in their gut and a suspicion that something is wrong, it is because there is. If your partner is displaying some of our tell tale signs or is hiding information from you, it is important to talk to someone about it to help process your feelings.
On top of this, we recommend that you contact a trusted private investigator who can work hard to either confirm or deny your suspicions, rather than leaving you with no real answer. Private investigators have a particular set of skills that allow them to uncover information that you may not be able to access yourself. This skill set can include undercover surveillance, investigation into online presence and mobile phone usage. They understand the law on surveillance and ensure that they use legal methods to find out the answers to your questions.
How Common Are Workplace Affairs In Real Life?
The story goes that we often spend more hours with those who we work closely with than who we are in relationships with, and you know what, depending on the job that you do, this might be true.
We often get ideas or suspicions about workplace affairs as we often see them dramatised on film and tv – with workers gradually becoming closer before they cross the line. But how common are they in real life? Well, we’ve looked into the research and unfortunately, they are more common than you may think. When asked in a survey, around 20% of people admitted openly to having an affair at work, but it is important to note that the true number may be much larger. This is because many may have participated in an affair with their co-worker, but may not want to admit it because they are scared of getting found out, or they are ashamed of their behaviour and do not want the judgement that comes with the confession. When another survey asked people to admit if they knew someone who had been unfaithful with someone from their workplace the number sat at just under 50%.
How Do Workplace Affairs Develop?
As mentioned above, workplace affairs often develop when two people are spending a lot of time together – long hours working on a project where collaboration is key. While close working relationships with colleagues aren’t necessarily a bad thing, sometimes feelings can get involved and a person can cross a line. Workplace affairs rarely happen quickly and instead can take weeks or even months to develop. The initial move from a friendship to an affair can happen in the workplace setting or while the two involved are socialising at a work event or business trip. As the majority of the affair occurs during working hours, it can be difficult for a partner at home to detect, especially if they do not know what their partner’s co-workers are like.
When it comes to workplace affairs, there are different types of affairs. Some affairs between co-workers are simply about sex and intimacy and are very physical. These types of affair tend to have fewer emotions and feelings involved. On the other end of the spectrum are affairs where feelings occur, emotions are strong and there is a real possibility of a long-term connection. No matter which, type of affair, however, the hurt that an innocent partner can feel can be extremely damaging. Therefore, if your partner is having an affair, it is important to try and identify the situation early to limit the damage and be able to move on.
Hire An Investigator To Get To The Bottom Of The Issue
If after reading our guide, you have become more concerned that your partner may be having a workplace affair, it may be time to find out once and for all what they are up to. If you are looking for a private investigator that specialises in cheating partners, look no further than Private Investigators UK. We use our years of experience to find the evidence that you need to confront your partner and move on with your life.
We handle each of our cases with professionalism and discretion, ensuring that our clients are protected. Our expert staff communicate their methods clearly and work with you to find out the information that you are looking for. All our cases are confidential and are handled with care and concern, as we understand how stressful a time this can be for you.
To get the investigation started, contact us today and tell us about your case. We look forward to hearing from you and getting the answers you deserve.
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Ten Long Term Effects Of Cheating
June 5, 2022 - Reading time: 11 minutes
Let’s be honest, relationships are hard at the best of times but when two people are dedicated to each other and on the same page, they can work on it together. A problem occurs, however, when one person in the relationship is unfaithful and cheats on their partner. This is because it can not only ruin the relationship but there are long-term consequences that last far longer and can impact the person that is cheated on.
While these consequences tend to be negative, it is important to be able to identify them as this can go some way to fixing the problem. Not everyone that has been cheated on will experience all of the ten long term effects on our list, but they may experience a combination of them. Let’s take a closer look:
Long Term Effect 1: Blaming Themselves
Perhaps the most common consequence of a partner cheating is that they begin to blame themselves for their partners actions – thinking what they did to cause it and internalising the blame rather than blaming their partner for their own actions.
Many people spend a significant amount of time thinking what they could have done differently, or what they could have done more of in order to stop their partner from straying. This can eat a person up, causing them to have negative opinions of themselves. Therefore, due to this a partner cheating can have a long term impact on a person’s self-esteem and self-worth which can impact all areas of their life.
Long Term Effect 2: Negatively Impacting Future Relationships
If an individual has had their partner cheat on them, this can have a detrimental effect on their future relationships – whether they chose to forgive their partner and move on, or whether they choose to start a relationship later down the line with someone else.
As being cheated on can cause so much pain, it takes time to process this pain and minimise its effects. If a person is not careful, this pain can negatively impact their future relationships. For example, if the partner that cheated often went out without telling them, they will be upset or suspicious even if their new partner does this once. This can lead to significant strain on the new relationship from early on.
Long Term Effect 3: Not Wanting To Be Seen As Sensitive
Often if you have suspected that your partner is cheating for a long time, you may have noticed signs and tried to get to the bottom of it. In doing so, you may often have been speaking up, asking questions or saying that you were not happy about something.
Partners that have something to hide will often berate you for this, getting angry and frustrated could mean that you stop speaking up or make you think that you are being paranoid. Many who have been cheated on fear that voicing their opinion will lead to people pulling away from them.
Long Term Effect 4: Questioning the Entire Relationship
After a person has been cheated on and that trust is broken, the person that has been hurt may begin to look back on their relationship, questioning every situation and second guessing themselves, causing them significant distress. Moreover, this level of overthinking is likely to leak into other areas of their life including future relationships and friendships with their friends and family.
Common questions that a person may ask themselves include things like ‘Did they ever love me?’, ‘Were there warning signs?’ and ‘What did I do wrong?’. If you find yourself constantly fixating on questions like this, then it may be a sign that you need to talk your experiences over with a trained professional in order to come to terms with what has happened.
Long Term Effect 5: Losing Confidence In Your Abilities
As well as questioning their relationship and their actions, cheating can lead to a person losing all their confidence in many areas of their life. They may begin to doubt their abilities, their aspirations, and even their positive characteristics as a result of the self-blame that is often associated with cheating.
They may internalise their feelings and take this very personally, causing major long-term ramifications, because they believe their spouse cheated on them due to their own traits. A lack of confidence can negatively impact a person’s work, how they work towards their goals and their relationships with the people they are closest to. They may give up hobbies and interests that they are passionate about or become a more timid, reserved version of themselves.
Long Term Effect 6: Increase In Mental Health Conditions
As well as general upset and a lot of emotion, being cheated on has been found to actually increase the likelihood of mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. Studies have found that depression and anxiety can be exacerbated when a person is cheated on – whether this is straight away or a few months down the line once they have had time to process it.
Being cheated on is tough, and it can lead to some kind of mental trauma that can impact them long term. If you feel that this is the case, it is important to reach out for help and support to help get you through this difficult time. This could be to friends and family, or to a professional that is trained to deal with these kind of mental health conditions.
Long Term Effect 7: Losing Trust
One of the biggest long term effects of cheating is losing your trust in other people. It doesn’t only affect your feelings about yourself, like we discussed above, but it impacts your interactions and relationships with those around you. Part of this is due to the hurt and anger that you feel, and this may change the way you act around people, and part is due to the fact that you did once trust someone, and they let you down.
Trust is a complex thing – although it does not cost anything, it takes a lot to build. In relationships trust generally develops naturally as you spend time with someone, but one act of cheating can remove this very quickly. Not only can you lose trust in the person that cheated on you, but this feeling may also transfer to your other relationships – or for example, with friends and family. You may not notice this happening at first, so it is important to actively work hard on these relationships. You may find out that those around you will notice changes and mention it to you – and this may be the first you realize you are treating them differently.
Long Term Effect 8: Emotional About Your Ex-Partner
Even months or years after a person discovers they have been cheated on and splits up with their partner, they may find themselves getting emotional about their ex. Many avoid seeing them as they think they will not be able to cope, and do not even like reminiscing about the memories they have together. Ultimately, this comes from a place of hurt and it is a totally normal reaction to have. This emotions that are connected to your old relationship may not mean that you miss your ex-partner and want them back, rather, it is linked to a moment in your life where you felt vulnerable. These feelings may still continue even when you find a new partner who you love, but this is normal and happens to many people who have been cheated on.
Long Term Effect 9: Wanting To Be Single Forever
Let’s be honest, once you have been cheated on, it is totally normal to want to avoid relationships for a while due to some of the issues we listed above. Many can be put off relationships as they do not want to commit to someone and put their trust in them again. This may be an opportunity for a person to spend some time by themselves, or to date without the commitment of a partner. In the end, this process may lead to personal growth and in the long run will lead to them finding the person that is right for them – it may just take a bit of time.
Long Term Effect 10: It Can Give You Strength and Determination
While most of the effects that we have included in our list are pretty negative, many experts believe that cheating can lead to a fresh start. Often cheating is not the only cause of a relationship breaking down. Instead, it is more of a symptom that comes from the existing issues within it. Too often, couples do not address issues in their relationship head on, and instead choose to ignore them. This can lead to a ‘blow out’ where things come to a head and can lead to a person being unfaithful. After a person finds out that they have been cheated on, it can lead to them having a fresh start and taking control of their life. They work on themselves and try and move on with their life, which may turn out to be the best thing that happens to them.
While the initial reaction to cheating may be painful, often those who have been cheated on in the past look back on the experience as a moment that changed their life in a positive way.
The Take Away
If someone is a victim of cheating, and they find out that a person they love has broken their trust it can have serious, lasting effects. Ultimately, the person that is impacted the most by an act of cheating is the person that did not do anything wrong. Although the experience is not nice, and can make a person feel vulnerable, there are steps that can be taken to improve how they are feeling and boost their mental health.
If you feel like your partner is cheating, but do not have proof this may mean that you are left paranoid or insecure. One way to combat this is through hiring a private investigator to find proof, allowing you to move on with your life and work on your own self.
As a leading detective agency, Private Investigators UK can help to check whether your partner is cheating on you and to gather evidence in the form of photos/video. Our investigators work across the UK and abroad. Please visit our homepage to learn more about us and the services that we offer.
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Is Your Partner Living A Double Life? (5 Warning Signs)
May 21, 2022 - Reading time: 12 minutes
There is a huge difference between being a pretty private person, and someone that is living a double life and deliberately hiding information from you. Living a private life is about not sharing their business with everyone around them, while a double life is based on lies. There are many reasons why someone might be living a double life – whether it is out of fear of being ridiculed by others about their true self, or they are doing something wrong, such as cheating and don’t want to be found out.
Living a double life is exhausting, and at some point, every person that does so shows some tell tale signs that things may not be as they seem. At PrivateInvestigators-UK, we are experts in investigating those who may be living a double life. Take a look at our information on the warning signs that we often see in those who are hiding something:
What Are The Signs Of Someone Living A Double Life?
If you are questioning whether your partner or someone close to you is living a double life, this means that there must be some signs that you are questioning. This could be things that they say or the way that they behave. Even the most confident people that believe they are great at hiding things will slip up on occasion or have tell tale signs that they are up to something that you are unaware of. The key to finding out that they are leading a double life is identifying the signs of it and deciding what action you will take to try and confront them. Below are some of the most common signs that we see, as top private investigators. Let’s take a closer look:
Warning Sign 1: They Are Overly Cautious With Their Phone
Nowadays, we are more connected with people than ever due to having smartphones in our pockets and multiple apps and social media platforms to connect with people on. Now, we aren’t saying that everything on your partner’s phone must be shared with you as everyone is entitled to their own privacy. However, your partner's phone use can also be a sign of a double life if they are attached to it at all times.
If they never sit their phone down and take it everywhere with them – including to the bathroom, in bed or when simply leaving the room for a few minutes, it may be a sign that there is something on the phone that will reveal their double life. Therefore, they take their phone with them to ensure that you cannot look at it.
It is normal these days for us to have passcodes to unlock our phones, but most people choose to share these with their partners. If your partner has passwords to access individual applications, this may be a sign that they do not want you to access them and they may be hiding something.
Some of our partners may be addicted to the apps and games on their phones, meaning that they don’t put them down for a while, but they will leave them to the side if they are completing tasks that require their full attention. Those leaving a double life, however, will keep their phones on them at all times – which is a huge red flag.
Warning Sign 2: They Don’t Spend As Much Time With You As They Should
One of the most important aspects of keeping a relationship alive is spending quality time with each other. This takes effort from both parties within the relationship, especially if you both have busy schedules as then you need to go out of your way to carve out time for each other. One of the key signs that someone may be leading a double life and spending their time with someone else is if this time for you to spend together, all of a sudden disappears.
It is important to note, that some people do have busy periods at their work, or looking after older family members which may mean they have less time for you – but they should be able to explain this to you and show that they are otherwise engaged. If, however, your partner is stating that they are busy with work all of the time, including at strange hours for a sustained period of time, they may be using work as an excuse to try and hide what they are actually doing. This excuse is often used as many people do not want to question their partner over their work as if they are in fact working hard, they will take this as an insult.
Spending time with you doesn’t just mean being in your physical presence, it means quality time. If your partner is in the house with you but is still ‘busy’ when they are at home, they may be attempting to avoid you and appear preoccupied so that they do not reveal their double life accidentally by slipping up when talking to you.
If you find that your partner is doing any of the above, and avoiding you, this begs the question of who are they paying attention to? If their efforts are focused elsewhere, they may not be showing you the attention that you deserve, so it is important to look in to this.
Warning Sign 3: They Get Mixed Up Easily
Most of the time if someone is leading a double life, they are often balancing a lot of issues and telling a lot of lies to cover their tracks and keep their secret private. Sometimes, however, this can be too much and they end up slipping up and saying something they shouldn’t. This can be a small slip of the tongue that leads you to become more suspicious about their actions, or a more major slip-up which confirms they are not telling the truth. Examples of this may include accidentally calling you the wrong name or talking about places they have been that they think is with you when you have in fact not been there. It may be telling you they are doing one thing, and then talking with someone else and saying they were up to something else – any kind of difference in their story.
While a person may make a genuine mistake once in a while, if these kinds of slip-ups are happening more and more often, it may be a sign that they are hiding something. If you notice this, begin to note down any discrepancies and see if you notice a pattern, or if they are becoming more common. This will allow you to confront them, or pass this information on to a private investigator to find out more.
Warning Sign 4: They Don’t Give Out Information Or Appear Distant
leading a double life is all about keeping secrets, and this is a clear change that can be noticed in your partner. If your partner was an open person at first, sharing their news, whereabouts, and information with you, you may notice when they start to keep these things a secret.
Keeping information a secret can include not telling you where they are going, not explaining why they have been away from the home for a long time, keeping their computer and phone password is a secret or even not telling you about their day. If you noticed a pattern – that this is happening the majority of the time, they may be leading a double life. they may want to keep these things secret from you to try and avoid slipping up and telling you information that will reveal their secret, or they do not want you to see messages on their devices. It is not uncommon for them to begin hiding bank statements and their transactions from you as they may be spending money in places that will give away their double life. If you do have access to bank statements it is important to check these for unusual transactions, as this will either be fraud or your partner is up to something without your knowledge.
Warning Sign 5: They Stop Being Intimate With You
One of the key tell tale signs if your partner is living a double life due to being with someone else and having an affair is that they stop instigating intimacy with you. Intimacy can mean a number of different things, such as cuddling and kissing up to having sex. This change may happen over time and usually starts out small, by cutting down on intimate contact until you do not feel like they are attracted to you at all. Intimacy does not only include physical contact; however, it may also include making an effort to make you feel special – such as going out on dates, cooking nice dinners or complimenting you. If you notice that these are beginning to lack in your relationship, you may find that your partner has a secret that they are trying to hide from you.
Why Do Some People Choose To Live Another Life?
There has been a huge amount of research into why some people choose to live a secret life, keeping things from their partners, friends and family. These studies have revealed that the number of people living a double life is higher than you may think. In fact, a high number of people will keep some kind of significant secret from their loved ones. The reasons for this are simple – people do not like feeling bad about themselves and do not want to accept that they are guilty of something that they will be judged for.
Generally, if a person is hiding something and leading a double life, they do not want to face the consequences of what they are hiding. Deep down, they are likely to be ashamed of their actions as they know they are doing something wrong, and do not want the fallout of revealing their secret to those closest to them. For example, if a person is having an affair behind their wife's back, they know that this is wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it but they don’t want to deal with the drama of telling their wife, and the subsequent breakdown of the marriage just yet. This is especially true if children or pets are involved as the risk is even higher for them then. Additionally, they may not want to deal with the judgement from their family members as they are in the wrong – their parents or siblings will not be happy with their infidelity, especially if they are close to their relative’s spouse.
The Take Away
There are many warning signs that your partner may be leading a double life. Most of them involve your partner becoming more distant with you – whether this is them physically avoiding spending time with you, or emotionally not opening up or sharing information with you. While most people will show one or two of these signs for a short period of time if they are stressed or busy at work, if you notice a pattern in their behaviour, this may be concerning.
There is nothing worse than that feeling in your gut that your partner is not being honest, and hiding something from you. If you are concerned that your partner is leading a double life, and is cheating on your relationship, we can help. At PrivateInvestigators-UK our expert investigators have years of experience in revealing if people are up to no good. If you would like to gather proof that your partner is cheating on you in the form of photos/video, then we can help. Please visit the PrivateInvestigators-UK homepage to learn more about us.
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The 10 Most Common Excuses For Cheating
May 17, 2022 - Reading time: 13 minutes
One of the key aspects of a successful, healthy relationship is trust between the two partners. This allows both partners to feel loved and secure. If the trust is broken within a relationship, it can be difficult to get back, and, in the vast majority of cases can lead to the break down of the relationship. Not only this but breaking the trust in one relationship can lead to a person not trusting their partner in a future relationship, causing long term damage.
One of the most common ways that trust is broken in a relationship is when a partner cheats. Studies have shown that when this happens, whether it is a full blown affair or a one night stand, it leads to a severe breakdown of trust. The faithful partner who has been cheated on finds it difficult to trust their partner again, and in the majority of cases, this can lead to a breakdown of the relationship.
Studies across the world have shown that men are more likely to cheat and more likely to find extramarital sex acceptable, but this is not always the case as some women also choose to be unfaithful to their partners. Many believe that their partner is hiding something well before they find out about any cheating in their relationship and are often devastated when they hear the news.
When a person is caught cheating, it is rare that they come clean straight away. Even when a person admits infidelity, the true reason for their indiscretion is unlikely to be revealed. This is because they may be embarrassed that they were caught, or are looking for an excuse to explain their behaviour that blames the other person in the relationship rather than themselves. Ultimately, they want to minimise the level of blame on them so come up with excuses to try and justify their behaviour.
How Common Is Cheating?
Within a marriage, cheating is more common than you may first expect. Studies have shown that over one-fifth of men (around 22%) have admitted not being faithful to their partner during their marriage. This study, conducted by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, only looked at couples that were already married, however, and did not take into consideration other types of unfaithfulness as well as having sex with someone outside of their marriage.
One of the biggest issues is that around 70% of people in a relationship have not discussed with their partner what they constitute as cheating within a relationship. An individual's ideas of cheating can range from sex outside the relationship, kissing another person, to engaging in flirty conversation, and each individual person will have their own idea of where they think the line is and what you have to do to cross it.
The percentage of those who cheat, therefore, may be much higher when the parameters for what constitutes cheating are expanded. For example, studies have shown that around 18 to 25% of users on the Tinder dating platform are in a relationship when active on the app, meaning that they are actively looking to talk to other people and potentially meet up with them.
At PrivateInvestigators-UK, we are experts at investigating partners that are believed to have been unfaithful. We have heard every excuse out there to explain this kind of behaviour and have compiled them into an easy list for you. Let’s take a closer look:
Excuse 1: Cheating is Normal – It is Natural For Men To Cheat
One of the most popular excuses that we often see for cheating is that it is natural to want to have sex with multiple people, as monogamy is not natural. They often explain that people in the past, or animals do not have one partner that they are faithful to and that they should be allowed to have more than one partner. At the end of the day, however, if they have promised to be faithful to you, then they have broken that promise.
Excuse 2: I Don’t Love Them – It Was Just About The Sex
As a way of trying to limit the severity of their actions, the person who has cheated may try and justify them by stating that it was only about the sex, rather than any feelings being involved in their infidelity. Some people, in particular men, believe that if there is no emotional connection, that cheating is not as bad. However, by getting close to someone else and going behind your back, they have already broken your trust by lying to you and trying to hide their actions.
Excuse 3: It Wasn’t My Fault, I Was Seduced By The Other Person
Quite often those who cheat find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions. Instead, they will turn the blame on the person that they had the affair with, to try and take the pressure off them. When they are caught, they may come up with an elaborate explanation of how they were seduced by the other person and tried to stop it from happening. The reality is, however, that they still engaged with the other person and chose to be unfaithful so their excuses do not matter.
Excuse 4: My Partner Has Cheated Previously So I Did The Same Back To Them
If cheating has happened previously in a relationship, then trust may already be broken. If someone has cheated, and their partner has chosen to forgive them and stay together, they need to accept that something like this will never happen again and forgive the person that cheated. Sometimes, however, if you have previously cheated in your relationship, your partner may not forgive and will instead look for revenge. This may lead to them cheating on you further down the line, and using your previous indiscretions as an excuse for their behaviour.
If this is the case, they clearly have not gotten over your cheating, and the trust has been lost in your relationship, making it difficult to recover.
Excuse 5: I Felt Lonely And Needed Company
Another reason that someone who has been unfaithful might give to justify their behaviour is that they felt lonely within their relationship. This is an excuse where they are trying to put the blame partially on their partner. They could say that their partner was too busy with the kids, or away too often for work in order to say that their needs were not being met.
If this was the case, however, they should have raised these issues with you, instead of being unfaithful. The blame for their actions should not be on you, as it was their choices that got them into this situation.
Excuse 6: It Didn’t Mean Anything. It Only Happened The One Time
Once a person has been caught cheating, they may try and minimise their behaviour as much as possible in order to limit the consequences of their actions. They may explain that it was a one-off thing and that it won’t happen again. It is difficult to know whether this is the truth or not as they may only be saying it was a one-time thing to reduce the consequences. It may only have been one occasion, or it could have been a full blown affair that you were unaware of.
Ultimately, even if it has only happened once, there was still a time when they were unfaithful to your relationship and broke the promise that you made to each other. Once the trust is broken, whether it be on one occasion or many, it can be difficult to get back. You may also discover later down the line that it happened more than they originally disclosed to you.
Excuse 7: It Isn’t My Fault – It’s Yours!
Instead of taking on the blame themselves, many partners who have been caught cheating are often quick to blame you. This is because they do not want to take responsibility for their actions, and instead list a number of things they believe you did that to push them towards being unfaithful. However, having some kind of affair outside of your relationship is a decision that your partner has made and therefore, it is their responsibility. If they were unhappy in your relationship, they should have spoken to you about it or ended the relationship before starting another one.
When a partner makes these excuses, it can be difficult for you to not blame yourself for their actions. It is important to remember that your partner was the one who chose to be unfaithful, and therefore, you are not to blame.
Excuse 8: I Was Simply Trying To Help Them And It Just Happened
When it comes to getting close to another person, often an excuse used by cheating partners is that they were trying to help the other person. They may try to say that the person they had the affair with innocently confided in them that they were struggling with an issue such as a break-up from their partner or experiencing domestic abuse. Your partner may state that they were the only person that they opened up to and that they were trying to help them.
They may continue to describe a situation where they did not intend to get involved with the other person and start an affair, but that they naturally grew closer when the person shared their secret with them. If this is the case, they should have told you the other person’s issues from the start and shared them with you if they were being honest with you. If you had no idea that your partner knew this person, or that they were close to them, it looks like they were hiding something all along.
Excuse 9: I Was Bored And Fed Up
There are many big milestones in a relationship – from moving in together, to buying a property, to getting married and having children. While most people see these stages as a sense of commitment, and like the feeling of settling down and finding the person they want to spend the rest of their life with, others find this to be a more negative thing, leaving them feeling bored. This is especially true for those who are more impulsive and unable to relax – those who are always looking for their next adrenaline rush. In this case, the next adrenaline rush could be having an affair and trying to keep it a secret. The cheating is a way of keeping their life interesting and exciting, rather than the boredom they feel when settled with their partner.
Some that are unsettled may be able to find an outlet in more reasonable behaviour such as finding new activities to do or spending time with their friends. Others will need a bigger thrill which cheating may bring them so will use their boredom as an excuse to justify their behaviour.
Excuse 10: Nothing Happened – It Is All In Your Head
And finally, last on our list is perhaps the most frustrating excuse that you will hear if you have discovered that your partner has cheated. Some people want to deny that an affair has happened, even once they have been found out. This may be because they are ashamed of their behaviour, or they simply do not want to have a confrontation about it. To try and avoid this, your partner may simply keep denying that anything has happened, even if you have proof. They will try and turn the blame on you, describing you as being paranoid and trying to make you second guess yourself. In doing so, the person is clearly showing that they are not regretful for their actions and want to try and get out of admitting that they have done something wrong.
If they continue with trying to blame you by saying you are paranoid or going mad, even if you have clear proof, this is a clear sign of emotional abuse and you need to get out of the relationship as soon as possible. It is important that you trust your instincts with this as once the trust is broken, it is difficult to get back.
How to gather evidence that your partner is cheating
If you are concerned that your partner may be being unfaithful, we can help. With years of experience in private investigation, our expertly trained staff can help identify if your partner is leading a double life. We can check your partner's movements by placing them under surveillance - our team covers the UK and beyond. Visit the PrivateInvestigators-UK homepage to learn more about us.
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